By Dianna Thompson
Across traditional media, social media, and the national landscape, great concern has arisen from reports of immigrant children being separated from their parents. So great is the concern that immigration policy has been changed in response. What is missing is the recognition that family law courts do exactly the same thing every day while claiming it is “in the best interests of the child.” It is time to call out this fallacy and end the separation of children from their parents in family law courts.
Separating children from their parents in the court system can end, with “shared parenting” and a strong movement to serve it.
Children are born with two parents. Children want, love, and need both. No child should be separated from a parent or reduced to a mere visitor to a parent unless the court finds an important reason (e.g., child abuse).) And yet courts, out of mere expedience, allow judges to pick a winner and a loser in child custody arrangements. By doing so, it only guarantees that the child will be the loser because that child walked into court with two parents and walked out with only one.
You would imagine that the family court system would be the place where we find equity and a level playing field for the betterment of the child and parent. And yet, the courts are where many parents (mostly fathers) believe they have lost parenting time and their parental rights.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 19.7 million children, more than 1 in 4, live without a father in the home. One may ask where have all the fathers gone? Those who have gone through, or witnessed, the family court process know the answer all too well. Fathers have been placed right where the courts put them: locked out of their children’s lives with limited access and parenting time.
Government policies addressing father absence have not been effective because these policies are often based on the concept that fatherlessness is due to fathers willingly abandoning their children. The truth maintains that it’s rather the family courts that are the true cause of fathers no longer being an integral part of their children’s lives.
And what is the cost of separating fathers from their children? Every single example of social pathology – teenage pregnancies, drug and alcohol abuse, low self-esteem, gang violence, school dropouts, and suicides – is related to family breakdown and father absence. All the more reason why fit and loving parents should not be denied equal access and parental rights that will enable them to be actively involved in the raising of their children.
Children’s difficulties don’t just play out exclusively in their homes and schools, but also in their communities. We all should have a vested interest in the health and wellbeing of children and families because anyone can be victimized by an antiquated family court system.
And so what is the answer?
It is simple, and it’s been here for many years. It is now time – to join the shared parenting movement – to take a stand for what really works: “shared parenting.”
Shared parenting is a easy process wherein both parents fill out a jointly agreed-upon parenting plan that will be submitted to the court, specifying how their children are to be raised. The plan details:
- Time-sharing allocations
- Decision-making authority
- A method for resolving or mediating disputes out of court
Parents who know and love their children more than anybody else are best suited to draw up a plan that considers their children’s school, sports, activity schedules, and any special needs their child may have. How well do family court judges know your children? Why are we having them make such vital decisions?
Shared parenting is supported by more than 50 peer-reviewed papers and endorsed by 110 world experts. Common sense and research show that the worst thing you can do to a child experiencing the divorce of their parents is to take one of their parents away!
Child custody reform is occurring all over the country. Several shared parenting bills have either passed or are still under consideration. Shared parenting continually receives over 70 percent favorability in both polling and legislative votes. Why? It’s because it encourages co-parenting and cooperation between divorced or separated parents, which is in the best interest of children and families.
It just makes sense.
Instead of continuing to fund the billion dollar divorce industry at the expense of children and families … let us unite groups, organizations, and individuals in every state who want to work together in supporting shared parenting legislation.
Let’s make sure that children suffer as little as possible as a result of the parents’ decision to divorce or separate. The movement for a presumption of shared parenting is just and is a true reflection of the best interests of the child. Through the intense media coverage of immigration cases, we can help others understand that the same injuries happen in family law courts where secrecy and a lack of media coverage have limited public awareness and slowed the movement for reform.
Children and families need our help. The logic behind shared parenting is hard to dispute. The agony must end.
So become aware. Take action. Learn more. Join the movement.
Dianna Thompson is a nationally recognized expert on families, stepfamilies, and divorce-related issues. Dianna is a sought out speaker and has spoken all over the country regarding shared parenting and family related issues affecting men, women, and families.
